Thursday, June 27, 2013

This one is kind of a rant.... Sorry bout that!

I shouldn't let this bother me but it is... 

So we all know I've lost weight. A lot of weight, damn near 100 lbs. It's taken 2 years, I have about 100 more to go and that will take probably 4 more. It has slowed tremendously in fact I haven't lost any in the last 2 months. Partly because I've started a new job and our eating habits completely suck while I get used to it. Partly because its just a normal plateau period and this happens when you have a tremendously large amount of weight to lose.  

The best way for me to see results is to take photos along the journey, it's the only way I see the changes happening. I share said photos on Instagram or Facebook or both for a few different reasons. First because it keeps me accountable I know people see them and it helps keep me on track. Second in the middle of losing weight we moved. So old friends can only see my progress through those pictures. New friends don't know how heavy I was before I can show them old pictures and there aren't a lot but it isn't the same. So there are very few people that see me regularly and know how truly far I've come and how hard I've worked.

So a little detour in the story for a minute. My store doesn't open for about another month so we are all training in Salt Lake until it does.  Add to this that store is also undergoing a remodel, we basically have 2 stores in half the space. It's cramped. I got really sick on Monday, so sick that I don't even remember driving to work.  All I remember is that I was sweating profusely and my boss said I needed to go home and go to the doctor.  Imagine mine and the nurses surprise that I had a fever of 102 and raging strep throat. Today was my first day back and the air conditioning wasn't working so great. Probably the thing that bothers me the most about myself? The forehead sweat. It's so bad people and I get so embarrassed. Well I made a comment about how hot it was and that it was making me feel sick to some co-workers and then I went back to the office to finish my work. One of my new co-workers who I've only know a week or so and has already managed to become the single most annoying person I have ever met in my entire life, proceeded to tell the other 2 in the room about how fat I was and how I needed to exercise more and I was getting overheated because of it. Yes that happened. Well it took about 2.7 seconds to get straight back to me and it really bothered the girls she was telling this to. Here is the thing, I know I'm huge, I know why, and how, I also know how to fix it.  In fact I'm in the process, she doesn't know that of course because she doesn't care enough to get to know me. It didn't really offend me at first, as an obese person you get used to treatment like this. Now I'm angry, I want to justify, I want to show her all my pictures, I want to tell her how I exercise. Instead of being happy that I'm at the lowest weight I've been in over 12 years, I'm pissed because those around me don't even know it. I have to remind myself I'm not losing this weight for them. I'm losing it for ME. I had another co-worker tell me a few weeks ago I needed to be more self-confident. It's interesting because most people think I already am. I am not. I have to remind myself that she is right and I'm working on it. I love 99% of the people I work with. Everyone was very quick to tell me how inappropriate the situation was and be kind to me. I have let myself stew over that 1% for way to long today. I needed to write out the feeling and I needed to share it. So if you're still reading you're awesome and I love you!!

I should blog more, its very interesting to go back and read how I was feeling at certain points. I'm going to try and do better, this last year has been insane in every single way possible. If you blog leave a comment and give me your blog addresses again, I really want to catch up with my people!

1 comment:

  1. I honestly don't understand people-GRR! Your amazing and SO many people look up to you. I've always loved you and never have noticed your weight,your fun and beautiful always! Keep up the good work...for yourself :)